(I write most of this shit on my lunch break and sometimes have to come back and fix a lot of things. It’s hard to see the screen in the sun on a tiny laptop)
I had a run of 4 years on a specific game website team where:
- Upwards of 20 hours a week talking about Scrum/Agile process, none of which ever resulted in anything being accomplished on the other side of things. Talking about tickets, the weight of tickets, and moving things from backlog to sprint, all of which resulted in JACK SHIT. You could have cut all that out and just fucking updated and made things without that overhead that had become 98% of the work. Going to meetings was the work. Updating Jira and the tickets and backlog were work. Sprint reviews were the work. Retrospectives were the work It was all just red tape based around nothing being accomplished. Like 60-100 people involved and they couldn’t fucking realize that. Just wasting upwards of 40 people’s time to attend meetings to talk about what we’d like to do (which was never actual content or web updates) of which it never happened. It must be what government work is like. All rules and no results.
- We did this whole day OFF-SITE meeting with the best idea gathering and plans and how we could best serve the customers and not one damn thing happened from that meeting even 3 years later.
- We’d have this hackathon which is this special time (1-3 days?) where people can make their own teams and create their own “web” projects for new features and amazing stuff came up that you were ready to see go live. And none of it ever fucking went live. People quit after that over the years because it was clear the awesome content would never go live. One guy made a whole database section for the game that the fans were begging for then was shot down by the game team. Then they did his same idea like 3-4 years later. So dumb. After I realized it, I stopped participating even if I was the ONLY one to not join in. I didn’t give a fuck. Why waste your time if you’re never going to see anything result from it?
- Once 1000s and 1000s and 1000s were hired, all of which wanted their say and approval, I accomplished more web updates from 1997-2003 than I did from 2004-2021 thanks to too many cooks in the kitchen. Every day there would be some new jackass high in power with no history at the company that was now bossing people around. Then they’d leave less than a year later.
- Do you know what they NEVER fucking did ever on this specific game web team? Talk about content. Talk about pages being updated. Seeing pages updated. The customers ever seeing pages updated. The same shit is probably still live from all I know. haha. And I’m only referring to this one team I was a part of for four years. They kept saying hey if you want to have content you have to go through this whole pitch process and get approvals that were so much work it wasn’t even worth trying. I did try though. Maybe trust the guy who had 100s of millions of pageviews? So dumb. They never trusted anyone even with proven results. All they cared about his people’s titles or people’s positions in the company.
- I kept a list of just how many people were on this team (rotated out or quit) and I was the LAST person to get removed from the team. I was the last one to leave. It was like 30-50 people who had lived their lives in a 3-4 year period on this game web team. They started the team over with all new people. They thought by doing that it would somehow fix the problem. Basically I think the game team hated the web team and vice versa. I know I hated them when they never let me do any web pages. I was like F them and their game. That new team didn’t last more than a year either. haha. Everyone quit off that team too. I called it the cursed project. Anyone who gets involved with it gets fired, laid off, quits, etc.. 4 years of a stakeholder team that wanted to do NO UPDATES whatsoever which is counter to gaming or websites or anything else. The customers well being. Very few people are left from that game team (went to other companies or quit). Why did the game have a supporting web team of 40+ people if they NEVER wanted any fucking web updates? They should have just said, “we don’t need a website.” and that team coulda moved to another game that actually gave a shit which was EVERY GAME @ the company but their game. They were stuck on the idea that “we don’t want to tell people how to play.” It was the dumbest group I ever had to work for. Their game also somewhat represents that as well as they can never balance it with obvious problems.
- I think I made 3 pages in a 4 year period. Talk about a waste of my life/career. haha. Paid to do nothing. I had to invent other things to do or work on blogs instead.
- After years 4 they allowed ONE basics page to be created where they cut out 90% of the useful content before posting. The proud achievement was 3 boxes of text. Upwards of 40 people had approval for a page with 4 blocks of text. It was super obvious shit that people new in-game too.
- These fuckers wasted 1 month of work for a webpage hub with 5 videos with the result of (3) conversions (purchases). 3! I coulda stood out on a street corner and got 4 conversions. I told them this was the dumbest idea ever and it was going to fail and I was proven right but some bubbly new female employee joined and they just did every one of her dumb suggestions apparently. She quit. haha.
- The best success I had was when I had one web designer assigned to me and could do whatever the fuck I wanted with little oversight. You could see that in my pre-2010 work. I showed that to them in the MILLIONS and 100s of millions of pageviews but they couldn’t seem to figure it out. From 2010 onwards, they didn’t care about pageviews for some reason and wanted webpages where they had 1,000 views for 30 days.
Never let your company grow so big that 100 assholes have a say in the most simple of updates. One of the top 6 leaders (famous) said he’d never work at a big company again. Never let the process become the work over actually doing the work or having any sort of results.